I was disappointed in my performance at Chico Stage Race.
When asked how it went, I replied bitterly, not good, 4th in the rr, stuck behind a crash in the crit and had a mental breakdown in the TT.
I did not feel like I had given my best.
Take the rr for example. I was excited about the gravel. I’d been practicing in gravel all week. I felt confident in my handling skills. But the gravel hit and I blew up.
Then in the crit, I had poor positioning on the final lap. When a crash happened in front of me, I lost all positioning and lost time on the gc.
In the TT, I fought my mind all the way. I had to tell myself to pedal. My worst enemy, apathy, surfaced and I had to attempt to fight it back. Apathy always asks me why, why do you do this? You know you’re no good, why keep trying. By the end, I was mentally exhausted and in pain.
So when people asked me how the race went, I said, not good.
Then, driving home, I began to go over the weekend in my head.
Actually, in the rr, I had done pretty well. I held on over the gravel, even after telling my teammate, I’m blowing up. She immediately asked, what can I do to help? Then my other teammate takes 3rd in the rr, and I have position to out sprint the five if been working with and take 4th. Not to mention all the encouragement that every woman on the peloton offered.
When I thought about it, the crit wasn’t that bad either. Yes, there was a crash. But the two women involved walked away from it. They were scratched and bruised but okay. The course was interesting and challenging. My teammate did well again, taking the win after launching multiple strong attacks. Very cool to be a part of.
And when I looked back at the TT, it wasn’t that bad either. I got to ride an amazing bike, loaned to me without a second thought. The hug from my friend when I broke down crying when she asked about my TT. And I saw that improving my time was possible. That gave me hope for next time.
Then I remembered all the great people who made it happen.

The kits coming through in time. Chris washing and tuning our bikes late into the night. The generous host housing provided by local cyclists. Getting to know my teammates around a delicious dinner. Seeing all my friends and hearing their stories and having them listen to mine. The success of my teammates and friends.
Now I have the correct answer when asked, how did Chico go? The answer: awesome.

Yay! Got to ride this awesome bike!